The Daily Wisdom

Weather of Oz
Starry Skies, Brilliant Dawns..
(details: section next)

E-City Entertainment
Ag Ex Opens, Head Hit.

(Story This Page)

Friday, July 30, 1999

"The Wisdom of Oz - Daily from ‘39"
--------------------------------------

Volume XCIX  Issue VII

The "head" had been collecting dust since the departure of the prior "First Wizard de Luxe" who had used it as an annunciator and greeting device frighten off  petitioners and other unwanted guests who came to call.

Repainted and festooned with a gay party hat, it is now much less frightening. Tethered  to a fancy carousel it brightens up the otherwise drab  ride appropriately named  "Wizard's Head."  It has been the hit of the festival and  attracted myriad curious thrill seekers and brave children from miles around.

Yacht Sinks
In Official Roster
The Official "Yacht of Oz"  has been down-graded to Goblin Class this week as certain deficiencies in her design caused the Naval Board to re-think the ship's potential use. The ship had been dubbed "the first Brigantine Schooner of the Witch Class" and was scheduled for christening as "YO  Jewel of Oz". However the lack of guns, sails and other critical features of a ship of war have demanded a downgrade. It is now to be "YO Party Boat of Oz." . 

Mugging Mars Dedication
The Ugly Underbelly of Oz
The dedication of a new wing of the Oz public library was marred this week by the City Beautification Project Manager's self aggrandizing mugging for the cameras.  Mr. Finkbeener had removed his shirt and had struck a weightlifter pose shouting "Here's what they want to see!" His white belly gleaming in the August sun was enough to blind many. The incident caused a small panic before the manager could be restrained by Head Librarian, Betsy Botumdaller.

Ms. Botumdaller told a throng of disgusted reporters that Mr. F. had been exhibiting this ugly side all morning. It was apparently due to a drop in his already low approval rating and perhaps a touch of heat exhaustion as temperatures rose into the sweltering upper '70's for the fifth day in a row.

Phyllis and Jon fresh from their western tour were sparkling and  well received by many of their friends and neighbors who had come out to support the band and the Historic town. Mark played bass, alarming  nearby  goblins who were trying to sleep and/or collect tolls. Unfortunately, the goblins were the only attendees to demand a kiss.

Wizard's Corner
County "Fair"? It's Great!
I don't know about you but the billboards that have been popping up about town have got me in a flummox and I've just got to say something.

The signs in question are purported to be adverts for the Oz County Agricultural Exposition going on this week. However in great red letters they exclaim to all the world "County Fair." Well, I'm sure you are as offended as would be any good citizen of our community. Our County is just about as far from "fair" as one can get - it is, indeed,  stupendous!

And I, for one, just don't see how this kind of negative advertising can help our community one iota. Why we've spent thousands beautifying the waterfront, removing unused buildings and installing dozens of new emeralds, and now we have these malcontents dubbing  our county fair?!?

It  makes me sick.

Just a thought!
HIW,
The Wizard of Oz

Farmers Demand Relief
Suffer from Dry Spell
The longsuffering Farmers of Oz are suffering a little longer due to the delays in delivery of a commemorative sculpture promised for delivery this season. Artist Dolly Salvador was commissioned last year to sculpt a bas relief for the Farmer's Memorial Wall in the County of Oz. The memorial is to depict the history of farming and has been eagerly awaited lo these many months by Farmers and Farmer's wives alike. According to the artist, she has been suffering from a long dry spell of "artist block" and has not been able to get past the panel depicting the invention of the plough. Said Dolly "it was going so well for the first 15 feet, but then I just sort of froze. The plough is such an important invention that I spent way too much time researching an appropriate symbol for it in the relief. Ultimately I settled on a stylized plough and harness. But that was 6 months ago, and I haven't had an inspiration yet for the next phase."

Some  farmers are demainding that the work be finished and delivered immediately. Others are philosophical about it. Said one Arno Sachneisen, "I'm a farmer. I'm used to waiting for stuff."

"Welcome, Shoes"
Union Battle Cry
Munchkinland Local 419, "The Lollypop Guild", kicked off their annual shoe campaign Monday last at the Munchkinland ballroom. This year's theme was, appropriately enough "Shoes for Oz". Thousands of pairs of Munchkin shoes were donated and, as in years past, they were all returned from the Oz distribution points being too small for the City folks feet. And again, as in years past, they were promptly re-distributed to the little folks, who do so enjoy new shoes.

Rumors of Innuendo
Citizens Mum
How often have we heard some big news only to find out that it was just a rumor? How often have we been privy to some juicy gossip only to find out that it's not the least bit true. Well, here's a bit of both. There's a scandal brewing, at least that's the talk about  town. Somebody's not saying all they know, and I think they know who they are.  Now this editor isn't saying that we'll find out any time soon, but he expects something, sometime. Until then, keep watching these pages.

Page 1