The Daily Wisdom

Weather of Oz
Parish Blue Skies Prevail.
(details: section next)

E-City Entertainment
E-City Bubbles thrash  Haunted Forest Spooks

(Story This Page)

Saturday, June 05, 1999

"The Wisdom of Oz - Daily from ‘39"
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Volume XCIX  Issue VI

When asked by reporter Jim Qerk of the 7 o'clock news if the malady might be due to the psychological shock of his recent election to the post of "Second Wizard De Luxe"  the doctor refused to speculate saying "Doggone it Jim, I'm an osteopath not a psychologist."

Yacht Races To Finish
Official Yacht to Float
The Official "Yacht of Oz" is scheduled to be commissioned this week and to be immediately conscripted into the Navy of Oz. The ship is the first Brigantine Schooner of the Witch Class and will be christened "YO  Jewel of Oz". The smaragdusine hull is barely  visible from the harbor against the background of the Oz Commercial Boat Yard and the skyscrapers of the East City. "We chose 'Emerald Green' for the hull color to match the City," declared the director of the navy, Adm. Nelson Halsey. 

It is rumored  that the reason for this choice of color was  more economic than aesthetic. Klatuu Barada of "Green-R-Us" said that the chosen color is very popular due to it's low cost. "It's our best selling paint!" he beamed.

City Facelift Draws Fire
Emeralds, Topaz and Jade, Oh My!
Funds in excess of 1 Million crowns have been released from the Treasury ear-marked for the long awaited  "Skyline Improvement Project." In addition to the expensive bejeweling project scheduled for completion sometime this fall or next, other improvements are also scheduled.

Scandal is in the wind, however, as several very expensive high-rise buildings  recently built along the river are scheduled for removal by barge. When asked about the cost of the relocation project, consultant and project manager, Cartleton Finkbeiner  said "we're concerned more for the the visual impact on the waterfront and on increased visitors and tourism than on the few hundred thousand crowns spent on purchasing and relocating the buildings. This is about jobs and those people on the Wizard's Council that are whining about it are just playing a political game with the quality of life that we're trying to build for the people of To..., er , the Emerald city."

The property is currently owned by the Reniebknif Ytarc Corporation which stands to gain a considerable windfall from the sale of the otherwise little used  buildings.

Many have asked about the release of the long rumored Glinda's Bubble CD yet the answer has not been forthcoming. In answer to recent queries, Glinda responded cryptically "Well, you know it takes more than soap to make a bubble!"

Navy Seeks Sailors
"Not just a job, it's a boat ride"
Admiral of the Navy of Oz, F.W.K. Lion is seeking sailors to man the navy ship to be commissioned this week. When asked what  sort of person Oz seeks in the way of sailors for its  navy the General replied "It takes more than courage - it takes medals!"

Openings are available for all sorts. Experience is not necessary, but welcome as is any sort of medal. Merit badges from the Oz Sprouts are especially honored in conferring commissions.

Those interested need only roll up at the ever lengthening queue in front of the palace and await instructions from the doorman (He's the one in the green uniform.)(With buttons.) (Please knock.)

Wizard's Corner
Pythagoras was wrong!
How many times has this happened to you: you're calculating the quadrate of a suspension matrix in an N-cube parallel hyperspace and the right angle paradox reduces your calculated declension to a singularity?

I know how frustrating this can be!

Here's a quick tip: forget everything you know about right angles! There's nothing "right" about them in an N-Cube relation. Consider using an uberfahrt conform and reducing the quadrature by the resultant intersect BEFORE collapsing the solution set.

It works every time and avoids a messy factorial transposition or difficult matrix inversion in the final integration.
Just a thought!
HIW,
The Wizard of Oz

Bubbles Pop Ghosts
Poor Bowling Haunts Spooks
Long of length. Underpitched. Wide. Googaly No- ball. The sickening aspect of Haunted Forest bowling, inaccuracy, has once again come back to haunt the Spooks at a most crucial stage of the Green Cup. The HF wraiths have been unable to make any impression with their bowling and that has been a major cause of concern for coach Anuman Gakwad and skipper Moad Adzes.

If the bowlers pitch the ball up, the conditions encourage late movement. "When you bowl short, the chances of deviation increase and in the process the ball moves wide of the stumps. The bowlers must learn to control the swing and concentrate on line and length instead of worrying about avoiding no-balls all the time. These are small technical matters but need to be taken care of in time. In a match situation, you do not have the time and chances to experiment." In cricket as in life, at the close of play, "it's not the sticky wicket that counts; it's the runs scored," concluded Gakwad.

Final: Emerald City Bubbles thoroughly trounced the Haunted Forest Spooks 14-0.

Complete match scores on the Sporting Page. 

Witch Dregs Disinterred in Drug Doings
"Dig That Wacky Witch!"
The liquefied remains of the Wicked Witch of the West which were buried in a jar in a poorly attended interment ceremony last month are   being dug up in an ongoing drug investigation. A search of the Wicked Witch's swank former digs resulted in the discovery of a giant egg-timer filled with the newly popular, recently banned and reportedly  habit forming drug:  the so-called  "aspirin." 

Monkey confabs of  her late wickedness confirmed that this was the drug of choice among the  army for aches and pains as well as a popular topping for breakfast toast. A source wishing to be left unnamed said "they were going through the stuff like sand just before the end."

Hollyhocks High Hit
Students Shocked by Disturbance
Hollyhocks High School students were shocked to-day by what many described as the sound of an explosion on the roof as students filled the hallways between periods. 

Recent high winds had apparently weakened a large branch of a tree overstanding the auditorium. Today when a storm dislodged the branch, it dropped upon the metal roof of the structure causing the cacophonic disturbance. Very little damage was done to the structure  despite the  racket. Principal Peup said in reflection on the densely overcast sky, "...this is a dark day in the history of Hollyhocks High."

A Munchkin nest on a nearby branch was wracked, but there were no injuries as the family was about at the time.

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