The Daily Wisdom
Weather of Oz
Hail, yes & more tornadoes expected!
(details: section next)
E-City Entertainment
Glinda's Bubble Live!
(Turn to TV Page)
Friday, April 23, 1999
"The
Wisdom of Oz - Daily from ‘39"
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Volume XCIX Issue IV
Insurance costs plummet !
We've all seen (or heard) the fantastic racket of the giant flame-thrower that the ex-Wiz was fond of showing off during his audiences. Of late, insurance costs and the threat of litigation by audience attenders has raised concern about this "quaint" practice. His Imperial Wizardry, the Scarecrow, indicated that he had additional, undisclosed, personal concerns with the use of this otherwise useless device and has declared it to be officially retired. Nearby residents had complained for years about the noise and heat generated by the giant flames and also the annoying blast of the public address system that the former Wizard used for his proclamations and pronouncements. Palace insurance agents are dismayed by the reduced premiums demanded now that the device has been decommissioned. Smoke detectors and other safety devices have also been installed.
Wash and Brushup News
Goes Regional
For many years Emerald City homemakers have made the Wash
and Brushup on the town square a regular stop on shopping day for all of their dry
cleaning and laundry needs. New outlets in the Haunted Forest Mall and Munchkinland
are expected to open this spring. Recently, demand for dry cleaning service throughout Oz
has increased as out-of-work Palace Guards from the Witch's Keep are sprucing up and
searching for gainful employment. Ex-captain of the Wicked Witch's personal Guard, Gord
Zquiglik commented on the cleaning-up challenge: "As you can imagine, we've had a
terrible time keeping clean without water with "Her Wickedness" in charge. Now
there's a considerable backlog of uniform cleaning and other laundry. I'm glad to see the
W&B expanding to meet this need!"
Top Monkey Flies Coop!
General escapes.
General Eep Akkabak of the recently disbanded Flying
Monkeys, has escaped from the Tower of Oz holding facility. Warden Bleep Borgon was
reported to have said "We've used that tower for years and no one has ever escaped.
How was I to know that he could fly?!?"
 |
| Latest architect's rendition of the much awaited Emerald City facelift. "We're hoping that this goes better than some of the other civic projects I've, uh, been involved in...", says consultant Carty Finkbeiner. |
Green Town Glowing
Bubble Makes
Splash
Glinda's Bubble was very well received
at their last public outing at the famed "City Lounge" on 4
April. "Everyone was there!" beamed Dorothy, who's surprise
return to Oz turned more than a few heads.
The Bubble will perform next on Sunday, June 6, 1999, at Doc Watson's, at 9 p.m. Be there!
The hit single "Emerald City" was of course the smash of the evening, as the revelers joined in the rousing chorus.
Upon exit from the performance, Glinda's Bubble immediately disappeared (as is it's wont) and has been seen recently floating blithely over the western suburbs.
Visit Glinda's Bubble at www.glindasbubble.com.
Oz Warlord Bids Army
Several Designs Considered
General F.W.K. Lion is reportedly evaluating several new
designs for the Army of Oz. Since the abolition of forced military service, no new
recruits have volunteered, and the alternatives being considered are a direct response to
this paucity of recruits.
Each of the alternatives calls for only one highly sophisticated and automated "Robot" to take the place of hundreds of regular foot soldiers and artillery. The models under consideration include options for bubble power, electrical engine and others. The most promising design is a wind-up version made entirely of re-cycled copper kettles and is the rumored pre-trial front-runner. The winning design will be chosen this this summer.
According to a Department of the Army spoksperson the contracts will be awarded based on experience with "gears and pulleys and whatnot - as well as other factors such as shininess, finish and personality."
Wizard's Corner
Stuffing: Does a body good!
Next time you're planning a soiree, make sure to include
stuffing on the menu. And a big bowl of straw would be nice too!
Just a thought!
HIW,
The Wizard of Oz
Corn is as high as...
Ag Expert Sees Bumper Crop
Looks like a record corn crop coming up in the County of
Oz, according to Agriculture Extension Manager, Cary O'Phyllaceae. For years the
county has been plagued by thousands of crows that were strangely attracted to the
vicinity of a well traveled fork in the road to Munchkinland.
Manager O'Phyllaceae (with the complete support of HIW, The Wizard) recommends that farmers refrain from any further hanging of so-called "scare crow" effigies in their fields: "The crows just seem to be attracted to them!"
Witch Funeral Boycott
Wicked Witch is still Dead!"
The funeral of the notorious Wicked Witch of the West went unattended by most this
week. A few of the palace guard were awarded extra pay by their New Landlady, Glinda, to
carry the casket. Because of the late witch's "liquidation" there was very
little to carry - or bury.There are reportedly very few who really cared much
for "her wickedness" (apart from those who enjoyed the spectacular sky
writing for which she was so well known.)
(Witch Funeral Boycott - cont.)
When members of the 23 Airborne Division (formerly known as "The Flying Monkeys") were asked if they would attend, they all agreed that they'd rather just give it a miss this time and wait for the next one.
Jitterbug Outbreak
Town Council Concerned
Haunted Forest Town Council members are scratching their
heads over the recent Jitterbug outbreak plaguing the community. Health officials danced
around the issue at last night's meeting saying "we're studying the problem right now
and hope to have some answers soon."
In related news, the Town Council voted to defer any action on the epidemic until after the annual Haunted Forest Spring Cotillion - an important fundraiser - to be held at the HF Community Center. This year's theme, designed to bring home some of the townspeople who fled after last year's invasion by the WWoW is "I'd Go Back If I Were You."
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